Unrealistic Exceptions
AKA One Singular Goal
It’s been awhile since I’ve last posted, October 1st to be exact. There was no real reason for me not writing anything other than I didn’t feel I had anything interesting to write about. I don’t have an update on Reaper, Inc.¹ Well thats a half lie, I kind of do and kind of don’t but I won’t be writing about it until things are a bit more concrete. What I do have is something else, something new, something different — A Goal. To be more precise one singular goal.
For someone who has spent a lot of time talking about baby steps, setting realistic goals and exceptions¹ I’m going to do the exact opposite. I’m going to chase my White Whale in 2023. I’m going to go for the one thing I really really want —
To direct a feature of my own.
Lets back track a bit though. I realized this was what I wanted while out on New Years Eve. In the past year I’ve booked exactly 0 of the DP (Director of Photography) gigs I applied for and about fifty percent of the G/E (grip and electric) gigs I applied for. Most of 2022 my on set work was a Gaffer. While I breifly talk about my feelings about working as Gaffer in one of my more overdramatic posts of 2022 in the foot notes here I’ll say it one more time —
Theres nothing wrong with being a gaffer. It’s a good gig, a lot of work, and can pay well.
It’s fairly a high ranking job on a film set but no one really awards (or faults) the gaffer for a good or bad (looking or otherwise) film. And I do generally enjoy working as gaffer, it lets me get on sets I would never otherwise currently get as DP². However it’s not what I want long term.
Don’t get me wrong, if I spend the 20–30 years as a gaffer it won’t be a failure, I would have had a great career, and I would be grateful for it.
I just feel I have to try for what I want, what I really want — to direct (photography or otherwise). In my realization above that I booked exactly 0 of the DP gigs I applied for and when thinking about goals for the new year I realized I might as well just go for director, there isn’t much difference between making it as a Director or DP and since I’m going to have to do most of the pre production work myself anyway I might as well go for director.
What does this mean? Why is it such a lofty and unrealistic goal of mine to direct of a feature of my own by EOY 2023? Well to start I have to finalize or get close to finalizing a shootable script, figure out a budget, raise the money, cast and crew the film, find locations, put together a shooting schedule and raise the money.
To be fair, I don’t have to do all the above myself but I do have to (at least) raise some of the money and either write the script or buy one. Writing the script though is something I can do and if I’m going to be spending the next year of my life with this singular goal, and if it is going to be my debut feature as director³, I want it to be my script.
I can also cast, crew, figure out a budget, location scout, and put together a shooting schedule well enough but I can’t raise money, at least not well.
If I were capable of raising money I’d most likely have a completely different career path than I do now. I know there is always crowdfunding and I may go that route but I’m not sure thats the best bet, at least for all it.
Truthfully I expect to fail in my goal.
I don’t expect to have a completed feature in the can by EOY 2023. It’s not going to stop me from trying. I expect to get stuck trying to raise the money and not being able to proceed.
But new year, new me, new goals. I’m going to chase down my White Whale. Whether or not I drown or swim remains to be seen.
1: At least with my friends, not really online ever.
2: Which at the time of writing this I suppose is all of them.
3: I did shoot a feature, Bradman. One day I’ll write about my experiences on it in some amount of detail.
